I thought this was going to be a breeze!!

   As a worker in the medical field, I see it all.  I see the patients that come in very sick and leave with a smile because they're doing much better than expected, then I see the patients that come in and are as healthy as can be and have such drama with their stay.  From the get-go, I've had a plan.  I've had a time line and I've had certain expectations.  I'm not sure why I did this because I know better, I know that things don't always go as planned when involving medical issues.  Boy, to say the least, it's been a pretty crazy roller coaster since surgery!!
   I had forgotten a small part in my last blog that I meant to write about and completely forgot. Hmmmm, imagine that?? lol  So, remember I said that I was basically trying to pull all my clothes off post op cause I was so stinkin HOT??  Yeah, it didn't stop.  When I finally woke up, post op like a billion hours later, I was ON FIRE!!! I had the room temp set at like 60 AND I had this huge fan that was constantly blowing on me.  Pretty sure it was the North Pole up in there.  Everyone left with frost bite. During all my visitations that I had, the egg doctor came by (several times, actually, to check on me... seriously, how nice was that??) and noticed that everyone had their parka's on and there I was, ice pack in hand, fan on, eating ice, trying to keep as little clothing on as I possibly could, room temp was at 60.  I said, "Man, it's hot in here". He gives me this shruggy, squinty eye look like a shy little boy and says, "Yeah, that's my fault." Well, how about we fix this little problem?  He says, "Dana, it's all the hormone shots you had a week ago."  Well, yipee, these hot flashes have still not ceased, only decreased, since then! lol
   After a few days of being discharged home, I started having these HORRIFIC pains in my left boobie area!  Off to Dr. Plastic surgeon we go!  I couldn't even walk it hurt so bad!  I was having muscle spasms from the tissue expanders!!!  Got some muscle relaxers and by the end of the day, I was smiling again!!!!  No more pain faces!!! :)
   Alright, so post op in the hospital after the mastectomy, I came out with four drains, JP drains, in my breasties.  There were two on each side of my body, located pretty directly under each arm pit.  They are just small drains that have a very big job!  These guys drain all the fluid out of my body that, if left in there, could become quite dangerous.  Sometimes these little drains can cause weird issues to happen, like becoming a little short of breath or not allowing the patient to breathe in and out fully.  Not a big deal, right?  Once they are removed, all typically goes back to norm.  I go home, feeling ridiculously great, and notice that for the next few days, I am just not able to take complete breaths.  I just blew it off to the drains being placed where they were.  I had no high heart rate, no shortness of breath, no pain, basically no symptoms at all.  *Here we go with all the personal stuff, so watch out!!*  Well, about six days post op, I had not gone, well you know, potty. (My face is red as I type this, however, due to me being in the medical field, it just is what it is!!) Well, when you have anesthesia, it puts you whole entire body to sleep and quite frequently, the tummy is the very last thing that wakes up, thus causing these issues.  Being on narcotics, i.e my morphine pump- which just so happened to be my bff while I was in the hospital, also slows the tummy down big time.  I was just concerned that this was going to cause me an issue, so Dr. General Surgeon and Dr. Plastic Surgeon had called me this particualr day to check up on me since I had been home.  I told them my situation, they gave me their solution. Oh my sweet baby Jesus!!!! I followed their specific instructions and guess what? It landed me in the ER with doubled over pain and some serious tears and frantic actions!  Thank goodness sister was at home with me that day and bless her little heart for trying to help me calm down! I had never in my life felt pain in my abdomen like I did this day.  I thought something SERIOUS was wrong!! Sister calls mom at work, mom says take her to the ER, I'm crying in the background, "I'm not going to the ER, I don't wanna go to the ER".  Lordie, I didn't know what I was saying because I DID need to go to the ER. Off we go, me gagging and crying and whimpering THE WHOLE WAY. OMG at the look on my sister's face this whole drive.  Had I been with it, it would have been a great picture opportunity.  lol Anyways, I get to the ER and my tummy completely stops hurting and all of a sudden, I get this over all body uncomfort.  I didn't hurt in just one spot, it was like I just felt like crap ALL OVER MY WHOLE BODY!  Back to a holding room I go.  I'm grouchy as ever, snapping at my poor mom and sister, to which I apoligized for later!! :)  I couldn't lay flat on the stretcher, I couldn't sit up, I couldn't lay on my side, I couldn't get comfortable AT ALL.  My heart rate was in the high 160s, blood pressure elevated. What the heck??? I was so confused. I thought, ok, something just ain't right here!!! I was just wimpering and constantly wiggling around in that bed, making all sorts of horrible faces.  Mom and sister both tried to calm me down, and yes mom brought out the mommy voice! lol  The nurses came in and were so sweet.  They were trying to make me comfortable, but nothing was working.  The ER doc ordered a CT with contrast of my abdomen to see what the heck was going on in there.  Order of elimination, right?? So, they bring the contrast, of which I gladly drink because of two things... 1. It's gonna help me get this scan to see what the deal is in the belly and 2. (Ear muffs!!) It ALWAYS gets those bowels moving and you're usually in business about 10 minutes after you finish it.  Guess what? It was a deal breaker for me!! OMG!! Before the CT scan, they decide to FINALLY (after being there almost an hour!!) give me some Dilaudid (I'll get to the narcotic story later) so that my pain level decreased. I was currently sitting at a 1000000 on a pain scale of 1 to 10. For real, I needed drugs, IMMEDIATELY!!! lol  I calm down tremendously after the Dilaudid and can kinda begin to maneuver around a little bit.  They decide that they're gonna do a abdominal xray prior to doing the CT.  Well, because I couldn't lay flat in the bed, I had to sit at an incline when they took the xray.  THANK GOD I DID!!! The ER doc came back in and said, "Well, the bottom lobes of your lungs just so happen to show up in your abdominal chest xray and Mrs. Clark, you have a pneumothorax." Well crap.  I know immediately what that means, I look at mom and sister and explain to them that I've got a collapsed lung! My post op xray was clear, so not too sure where this pneumo came from?  They call the ambulance to take me to the hospital because I was at our off site ER, which is fantastic btw!!  I complete my CT before I leave and off I go with the ambulance peeps.  These guys couldn't have been nicer either!  The driver looked at me right before we left and said, "I swear to not hit any bumps on the way!!"  All I could do was smile and clinch my little stretcher seat belt cause I was still in quite a bit of pain.  I get to the hospital's ER and my mother, being the mother that she is, has already called Dr. General Surgeon and Dr. Plastic Surgeon to tell them what was going on.  Plastic Surgeon was out of town, but General Surgeon just so happened to be at home. (Thank goodness cause he was leaving the next day to go out of town as well!!)  My heart rate was still high, but the pain meds were working! I was placed on a non rebreather, which is basically constant air so I could assist my lung that wasn't working properly.  This dr that I had never met before comes in and basically tells me that we are gonna hafta place a chest tube and blah, blah, blah.  All I heard was "chest tube".  I knew that my surgeon wasn't on call, so he wouldn't be the one doing it.  Now, I've been around the hospital long enough that I've seen lots of different procedures done.  CHEST TUBE PLACEMENT SUCKS!  It can be extremely painful because all they basically do is give you something to numb the skin, then they have to insert this extremely long tube into your lung area. Yeah, I wasn't excited about that!! One of my besties, who just so happens to be INCREDIBLY SMART (Thank you Mary!!!) saw on fb that I was on my way to the ER with a pneumo, so she met us in the ER.  Thank goodness she was up there to kinda help guide us, the girl that was on serious narcs and her family that had no clue exactly what was going on! lol  Apparently one of our pulmonologists had also found out what was gonig on and was giving Mary specific instructions to tell the ER doc.  I'm not sure what I did to deserve all of this care and concern, but at that moment, I couldn't be more greatful!  I was freakin out because here sat a dr that I could barely understand and he was just going to wait for the MD on call to come in a place this torture device in my lung. OMG I'm gonna just go ahead and pass out now!!! Out of the blue, in walks Dr. General Surgeon! My face lit up like the Griswolds house at Chrsitmas and the biggest burst of tears just came flowing.  Mom asked why I was crying and I said, "I'm just happy Dr. General Surgeon is here because I know he will sedate me if he needs to put my chest tube in!!!" lol  Seriously, that's ALL I was worried about, feeling that dang thing being inserted!! He was so dang nice, he told me he was going to send me to IMU for the night and place me on oxygen.  If the pneumo didn't fix itself, I was to go to radiology and have the chest tube placed under fluroscopy.  YAHOO DANA!!!! I could relax!! Off to the 6th floor we went.  I was pretty darn excited about being on 6 as well because my besties work on that floor and I knew I was going to be taken care of better than ever!  When I got up to the room, the night nurses, whom I had never met before, came in and said, "We know all about you and we promise that we will keep you comfortable and get this fixed!!" I've never seen more nurses working together, so hard to take care of a patient and their family.  Apparently my besties, that work day shift on 6, had all called these nurses and explained to them that they'd need to take really good care of me until they could get there and take care of me themselves the next day. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE THEM!!!!!!!  They were calling their fellow nurses and giving them all the details and telling them what they needed to do with me.  To me, it was the MOST priceless situation EVER!!!  Those night nurses came in and said, "ALL of your best friends have been calling us and have been making plans for you!!" SUCH a relief!!! I have the most bestest, sweetest, caring and awesome friends EVER!!!!!!  And did I mention that they're smart??? and that I LOVE THEM VERY MUCH?!?!?!?!
   The next day comes around, chest xray shows I still have a 20% pneumothorax... Guess who is going to get her very first chest tube?? My friend from radiology called me right before I went down and said, "Dana, I just want you to know that we are gonna sedate you for this." Best news I had heard in 24 hours!!! "And we are going to use a pig tail catheter", even better because it's actually smaller than the insertion part of a chest tube!! WIN WIN for ME!!!  I get down to radiology and all my friends down there are busy at work, trying to get me on the table.  Hugs and kisses from my family and off we go!  My friend, Julie, was so sweet!! She gave me my meds and just held my hand through the whole procedure.  (How do I know this?  Because I woke up a few times during the procedure.  Didn't feel a thing, HOWEVER, I did hear the dr saying, "Ugh, I can't get it" and hear him making noises of frustration.)  Julie is still holding my hand and I'm off to la la land again.  This time, I have a dream.  I had never met this particular physician before, however, I dreamed that I was taking beer and putting it in a cooler and we were going to the lake to have a beer now that he had successfully placed my chest tube.  OMG really??? Who dreams crap like that??? I can just see myself dragging my chest tube and my IV pole down to the lake with a cooler to celebrate this chest tube placement!  Whatever!!!! lol I woke up, was quite confused, but off to my room I went.  When I got back to my room, mom told me that the dr had come to talk to her and told her that was one of the hardest chest tubes he had ever had to place.  Seriously, what is with me???  I'm NEVER a complicated girl, so why this mess??  That must have been the result of my waking up and hearing him say, "Ugh, I can't get it", along with a few body moving thrusts I revieved when he was trying to lodge the tube through my ribs!! The person that invented sedation drugs needs a prize, btw!!!
   I have a new found appreciation and sympathy for my patients that have chest tubes post op.  I'm always compassionate, but wow that thing was uncomfortable.  It's like it was trying to poke out through the back of my ribs, so every time I laid down, I had to squirm around in the bed to try to get comfortable.  It was just such a weird feeling!!! I COULD BREATHE!!!!!!!!!!!! Yipee!!!  I ended up keeping the chest tube for a few days, just to make sure that my lungs were completely fixed!!  We were rockin and rollin at this point!!!  I was up in bed, visiting and giggling and just feeling so much better!  (BTW, the moral of this story is always listen to your mom... she ALWAYS knows best, even if she is at work and can't lay her eyes on you... she knows that desperate cry!!! Thank goodness she forced me to go to the ER!!)  Still had not fixed the tummy problem, but I didn't care at this point!!  I ended up staying in the hospital a total of four days, I believe.  Again, it helps to have low friends in high places people!  My day shift nurses for the next two days were Amanda and Shelley, two VERY special friends!  Secretly, I think they planned that so that it was them, my friends, taking care of me! :)  These two worked SO INCREDIBLY hard taking care of me.  I see these girls pretty much on a daily basis and I know that they are both outstanding nurses, but for me, they will never know the blessings they were to me.  I never had to ask for anything, they were both on top of all my meds and docs and basically everyone that stepped foot into that room!! :)  I can't thank them enough for taking SUCH good care of me while I was there!!!  They both went over and beyond their duties those days!!  My mom and sister absolutely fell in love with both of them, it was REALLY sweet to watch!!
   Mkay, so the chest tube issue is taken care of.  Back to the narcotic issues... I AM ALLERGIC TO EVERY DANG THING!  Really???  What else??  Vicodin, Codeine, Percocet, etc!! Rashes, hives, ITCHING OUT OF CONTROL, sweats, MISERY!!!  As a matter of fact, even several rounds of Benadryl wasn't cutting some of these side effects, so I was just having to wait it out until I could get something else to try!  I looked at my mom and told her I thought I was kinda a crap magnet (a term loosely used in the hospital setting!! lol) and that I just couldn't catch a break!!!!  Finally, I just went on a Dilaudid pain pump, which was lovely!! :)  Still had side effects, but they were by far decreased from all the other side effects!!  Man, I was up, moving around, sitting up in bed, chatting, visiting, LAUGHING!!! :)  I was hyper off the pain meds and exhausted all at the same time!! So many people were coming in to visit, which made me SOOOO very happy!!!!  I figured that if these kind people were sweet enough to take time out of their day to come and visit, then I needed to be awake and visit with them.  Plus, lets face it, who doesn't like all of their friends to come in and hang out?  At one point, each day, the nurses would put a sign on my door and say No Visitors.  I heard through the rumor mill that even a few docs that came by were re directed and told to come back later!  It made me sad cause I wanted to be kind to everyone, but THANK GOD those girls did that so we could get some sleep!!!! :)  It was just a steady influx of friends and family and I was loving every minute of the visitation!!!  So, the doors closed and it was quiet time.  Yeah, well, here's the deal... these narcs can make a light weight girl feel REALLLLYYYY good!!!  I noticed, several times, that I would just randomly fall asleep at the weirdest times.  For instance...  during nap time, I decided I was going to get out of the bed and sit in the recliner for a nap.  Mom was asleep on the couch and sister had crashed in my bed.  All was peacefull and snoring... A friend of mine had brought these adorable GET WELL zebra colored cookies to the room (Thanks Deanna!!! ).  I wanted one.  I opened the crunchy clear plastic bag covering the cookies on a stick, stuck my hand in and apparently fell asleep because when I woke up, hmmmm there was my hand, in the bag of cookies.  No one else saw that, right??? :)  Randomly, I would be asleep and then just wake up talking loudly to whomever would listen.  I would wake up saying stuff like, "Well Cindy, I'm just not sure what you should do" or "Samantha, it's on the chair".  WOAH NELLIE!!!  First, I don't know anyone named Samantha or Cindy.  Second, WHO DOES THIS JUNK???  I would look around the room to make sure no one was sitting in the corner, making fun of me!!! No such luck!  My sister got a video of me eating Strawberry Shortcake for dessert.  I took a bite, closed my eyes, chewed slowly.  Grabbed another bite, fell asleep with the fork and bite right by my mouth.  Woke up a little later and continue eating.  Talk about being wigged out!!!  I was scaring myself, but apparently I was a comical blunder to my family.  After the short cake issue, I looked over at mom and sister, so seriously, and they both gave me these raised eye brows and big eyes look like OMG girl, take another pain pill cause you're entertaining!!!! 

Here are the super cute cookies that stole my hand while I took a little baby nap!!! :)

 

   So, I felt better and it was time to pull the chest tube out.  Yet another nervous moment for me.  I've seen these tubes be pulled and some people scream and wanna punch the doc and others are just tough and suck it up.  Pulmonologist comes in and says, "Hey, grab those side rails right, have your mom help hold your hand, take in a deep breath and hold and say Eeeeeeeee.  Ready, 1...2...3..."  That man needs a prize for making me say Eeeeee because had I not said that, I may have let out a slight scream.  It NEVER hurt, at all, but it did feel like he was trying to pull my lungs, along with my spleen and pancreas out! WOW!  Such a strange feeling, but it was over in 3 seconds flat!  I was curious, so I looked over at the catheter and thought, "oh my gosh!! How could something so small cause such discomfort???"  It was crazy, but I was more than happy to get that thing pulled out!!  It was just me and the four drains going home!!!  I had such a great farewell from the hospital, lots of hugs and kisses!!!  My friend's little girl even rode down in the wheelchair with me.  She wanted to pretend that her little hand was broken, so she wore this blue glove and made me hold her hand in the air the whole ride down.  Cracking me up!!
   I get home, all is well, got some Dilaudid to take at home and another pain med that wasn't a nactotic and I was feeling GREAT!!! :)  Up and down and up and down and up and down!!!  This WAS NOT part of my plan!!!  I didn't make room for all of these "road blocks" to occurr!  However, they have all panned out, thus far, as being treatable and fixable!! :)  God has absolutely taken the very best care of me!!!  His grace and mercy and kindness have just surrounded me like no other and have kept me safe and have, slowly but surely, healed me.  I just don't think it's patience that He is trying to teach me here...  I'm SUCH a patient person, direct and timely, but patient!!  I tend to be laid back and easy going, so I'm going to have to keep waiting to see what the lesson was there??? He and I may need to have a talk about this?? lol
  Ok, I think I've exhausted my time here now!!  It's about 5 am and I've only slept two hours!  I'm gonna try to catch some sleep... TRY!!!!!  I have so much more to write about, but just can't sit in the same position for too terribly long!!  (Since when did I become 84 years old??) GAH!!! lol

Love you all and thanks for reading!!! :)  It always makes me happy when I hear my friends say these blogs made them laugh!!  These situations have just turned out to be quite comical and for that, I am SO THANKFUL!!!  If I couldn't sit and laugh about these situations, I would cry every day and then the next place you guys would be coming to visit me would be in the nice padded room... Hmmm!!! *We may ALL consider joining this facility... Just sayin'*  :)

And yes, after diligent try after try after try of everything AND I DO MEAN EVERYTHING to get my insides to start working, we finally got the abdominal issue taken care of!! (Snicker, snicker, snicker...)

SURGERY! I did better than I expected!!

                                            Here's a picture of part of my pre op party!!!


Hello everyone!!! :)  I'm so sorry it's taken me SO long to blog, but O. M. G. a heck of a lot has been going on!!!  I'm going to say right now, I'm going to be very open and honest and detailed in these next few blogs.  I debated on being detailed with personal stuff or not, but since this blog will be something that I will print and keep for myself, I don't want to miss any details for when I look back and read this in 10 years.  And for those of you that are my friends now, you already know that I'm basically an open book and what's on my mind is usually what comes out of my mouth!! :)
  Ok, so lets start off with right before surgery.  I was EXTREMELY proud of myself the few days prior to surgery.  I had convinced myself that the 3-5 days prior were just normal days and that I had no reason to be nervous. (In all reality, I thought I was going to be a basket case, having anxiety out of control and puking every five minutes!!) I had already decided that I would most likely need an Ativan to help calm myself since I had NO CLUE what to expect with surgery, especially one of this magnitude!!  I had surgery on Aug. 16th and decided that I would work until the day before, which was great because it sure did keep me busy!  (To my co-workers-- I apologize now for not even knowing how to complete any task at work during this time!! Thanks for letting me just zone out that day!!!) My last day of work was very sweet, to say the least.   All of our patients knew that I would be taking medical leave and since I see them so often, they were pretty curious as to what was going on.  They were so sweet and so supportive when they found out about the c word.  Tons and tons of hugs and words of encouragement were what they offered me.  (Funny story- after surgery a few of my patients actually came up and saw me while I was still an in patient in the hospital.  I was laughing because they were kidding me about our roles being reversed.  They said, "Ummm, Dana, when we were in the hospital and all hooked up to these IVs and monitors and tubes and drains you MADE us get up and walk.  Now it's your turn...GET UP!!!!! So cute are they!!!) Anyways, back to pre surgery.  I'm not sure why I was this way, but I was actually so very calm.  Now listen up... we all know that even if we pray for peace, we still end up with off and on anxiety.  I'm here to tell you, I HAD NONE!!! Thank God!!!!!  I never had to take Ativan!!! YAY!  I got all my stuff packed and ready for the hospital, made the girls a goodie bag to keep them occupied and so they could have snacks and not hafta leave the OR waiting room.  (I was trying to keep myself busy until bedtime...) Finally took my shower and got ready for bed.  When I registered at the hospital, the pre admin RN gave me these sterile wipes that I had to use the night before I had surgery.  After I took my shower, I opened the pack and used them.  You basically have to give yourself another bath with these things, minus the washing off part, so you can help with infection a little better during surgery.  La La La, I wipe myself down, head to toe, with these things.  Five minutes later, FIRE FIRE FIRE!!!! Holy crapola, I've never in my life burned like I did after I used these things!  I couldn't even breathe they itched and stung so bad!  I should have known because I'm allergic to so much... I tried to just hang and let it do its job... 15 minutes later I'm back in the shower scrubbing that junk off of me!  I just couldn't deal with it!  I was just gonna hafta say an extra prayer for infection. UGH!!!!!! 
   After my crisis, I got in the bed and watched a little TV, then dozed off.  Around 1 that am, I felt an extra person in my bed.  It was sister.  Bless her heart, I could hear her sniffling and could feel her trying to be quiet and cry.  She just wanted to come get in bed with me... that child slept with me the rest of the night and no matter where I moved in the bed, she was touching me and wouldn't let it be any other way. So sweet!!! I woke the next morning before my alarm went off and I checked my fb.  Yahoo at all the sweet messages that were on there from my awesome friends!!! I smiled...until... I had seen that a sweet friend of mine, who shall remain nameless (TAMRA NORRIS!!!)  made this precious slide show with pics of me and all my hospital besties that had been taken throughout the years.  She had added the song, I'm Gonna Love You Through It to the slide show. Seriously, my face was flooded with wetness!!!!  I had the biggest smile on my face while looking at all the fun pictures.  Every memory raced back through my head and it made me happy, yet I couldn't quit crying!  (Apparently this is how my sister ended up in my bed at 1am... she saw the video too. And I have since spoken with several of my friends who also saw the video and their reaction to it was the same.  Ha Ha)  So, I get up and try to stop my tears, but I just can't.  I saw my mom in the bathroom and just wailed out!  She held me tight as I basically told her I just didn't wanna do this!!! I didn't wanna go have surgery that morning... I didn't wanna be sick... I didn't wanna hafta face the next year of my life being changed so drastically... I didn't wanna hafta carry around this weird feeling any longer... I didn't wanna hafta go through such a harsh recovery, afterall, I work in the medical field, I know what it takes to recover from something like this and it's so difficult.  I knew I could handle all of this, I knew I had the strength to complete this task, I knew I had enough support to push me through every single bit of this, I knew I had the peace and grace and mercy of my God that was going to push me through this every single step of the way, yet I just wanted to walk away.  I had a weak moment that overpowered my every move.  I couldn't breathe because I knew that as soon as I rolled into that OR, it all really started.  I knew in my head that when I woke up from surgery, all I was going to face was treatment after treatment after treatment.  I knew that after surgery I was going to have to become extremely strong and fight like I've never fought in my life.  I was scared, I was intimidated, I was broken!!  We all got dressed and took a moment to sit on the couch and pray together as a family.  At that moment, my mother looked at me with the most serious eyes I've probably ever seen her have and she said, "Dana, I need you to do your best during surgery.  I need you to be strong and fight while you're in there."  Well, that's all I needed to hear because at that moment, my whole entire attitude and feelings changed.  I became so incredibly strong at that moment and felt such a peace.  I hugged mom and whispered in her ear, "I promise mom, I promise with everything I have and I love you."  I had the biggest smile as I walked out my front door.  I knew it was all going to be ok.  We got to the hospital and started walking towards the elevators to go to the OR and I ran into one of my besties whom I work with, Melissa.  She gave me a huge smile and I noticed she had on her "In The Pink" shirt and all kinds of pink accessories.  OMG seriously, I hugged her so big because at that moment it hit me... Wow, I have some of the most amazing and awesome people in my life and I'm not sure what I did to deserve this, but man I'm so thankful!!! I said, "Melissa, you're so sweet, you wore your pink today." Her reply... "Dana, we are all wearing pink for you today."  Until you were in my shoes at that exact moment, you will have no clue how that touched my heart.  I can't even begin to tell you how my heart raced and how I had tons of butterflies in my tummy because I was so excited to know that they were doing that for ME!  How cool is this???  I mean, seriously, the feeling of such support is indescribable!!!  Ok, moving on.  We get to the OR waiting room and check in.  One of the ladies I have worked with for several years is the waiting room RN that keeps all the families informed of how their loved ones are doing during surgery.  I saw her and I explained to her that my mom was going to need some serious updates during my surgery, so she promised to work double time while I was in there, updating mom and sister more often than normal.  That sweet lady did just that for those girls!!!  They were SOOOOO thankful to her for her kindness that day.  What an awesome blessing she is!!  I go back to pre op and meet with the RN, who I've also known for several years.  (This is pretty much rocking for me BTW because knowing everyone that's working on you makes you a BILLION times less nervous!!!)  He gets me ready, puts me in this horribly awful, sweat your butt off, heated gown of which I had to ask for the air in the gown to be turned on... that thing was nuts! He started my IV, got all my bands on and called my anesthesiologist in to come talk to me.  Super nice anesthesiologist!!  He and I had a little chat about how I like to puke with anesthesia so he promised me he would drug me good, he also promised that he would make sure that I had plenty of pain meds on board post op so that I wouldn't feel a thing! Yay Dana!!! (I've heard horror stories about post op, so I did the whole beg thing prior to!!)  I was all settled in and then the girls came back.  We sat for maybe 5 seconds and I hear all kinds of laughter... Here came the troops!!! My friends from Nuclear medicine were all up there, dressed in their pink, to bring me my injection for the sentinal node biopsy that Dr. General Surgeon was going to do.  It was party time!!!! OMG at the laughter in that room.  Shortly after, my cardiac rehab co-workers joined in, making it an even bigger party!!!  There were probably 15 people in my room and I was loving every dang minute of it.  The pre op RN was taking pictures for us and being so kind!!!  In walked Dr. General Surgeon... he said, "Oh my, man this is the party room.  You guys are having so much fun in here and I think it's wonderful!!!"  He had come up to give me my injection and before everyone could leave the room, he said, "Wait, I want everyone in this room to stop.  All of you join hands and we are going to stop and take a moment and pray." LOVE HIM!  He held my hand for a very long time, even after he finished praying, looked me in my little sad eyeballs and promised me that he was going to do his very best in there and that he would take very good care of me. Ahhhhh, a sigh of relief.  I got lots of really good hugs and kisses from all my friends, then it was just me, mom sister and the surgeon.  He needed to give me my injection so he could complete the biopsy on my sentinal nodes during surgery.  He preceeded this injection with, "Now Dana, most women say this is the worst part of everything... They say it hurts and it burns really bad."  Well dr, I used to like you, now I'm not so sure.  Ha Ha He was having to inject my boob directly with radioactive material and I was first in line!  It didn't hurt AT ALL!!!  I smiled and he said, "Well, I'm glad this is your reaction!!" It just felt like a little sting, not bad at all.  Then, Dr Plastic Surgeon came in with his purple marker.  Draw, draw, mark, mark.  He outlined my boobs and I said, um, is that so you know where to put them back on?  He assured me that he was also going to do his best operating on me that day as well and that he would take very good care of me while we were in there.  It was hugs and kisses time, the OR team had arrived to carry me back.  BIG HUGE HUGS did I get from mom and sister with lots of I Love You's.  Mom was trying really hard to keep it together, but I knew better.  I knew as soon as she couldn't have eye contact with me any longer, she was gonna break.  That was hard for me to watch... I gave her those "I promise" eyes and smiled.  It was just me and the OR team.  Tugging, pulling, capping, rushing... next thing I know, the CRNA leans over and says, "Dana, I'm going to give you this medicine that's gonna help you relax a little." Relax my butt... that crap knocked me out in 5 seconds flat, no joke!!  My sweet friend, Dianna, who is a RT at the hospital had stayed with me during all of this because I didn't know any of the OR team and I wanted her there to help me not be nervous and stay with me and hold my hand until I fell asleep.  What a sweet friend she is!!!  She did just that for me!!!! :)  She said that after I got my "sleepy meds" I was loopy and was just smiling and being sweet and that I was kinda reaching for her, but I couldn't focus and find her.  (I had NO CLUE I did any of this!!)  She was sweet and went and reported to my mom after I was out that all was well and I was doing fine, but that I was in dream land!!! 
   SURGERY, SURGERY, SURGERY... I was told that my surgery lasted around 4 hours and that it went extremely well.  Dr. General Surgeon came out and reported to my family that my anatomy inside isn't symmetrical, meaning that the left side of my body doesn't exactly match the right side of my body.  This might drive me crazy in my head now knowing this because I am SUCH a symmetrical person!!!  Surgeon tried to place my port for chemo on the right side of my body, but couldn't due to the anatomy situation.  He told them he placed it on the left and that it was just fine.  He said all went well with the breast tissue removal and that he had removed lumpie!!  OH YEAH BABY!!! LUMPIE IS G*O*N*E!!!!!!!!!  A few hours later, Dr. Plastic Surgeon came out and said he was done and that I had done very well with the tissue expander placement.  He said that my pec muscles were so great that he ended up filling each expander with 50cc's of fluid rather than the normal 20 that he would do.  He said it was very rare that one's pecs were that good... YAY ME!!!  Must be all that lifting and holding patients at work that I do??? Ha Ha  Off to recovery I go... not remembering any of this, of course.  I was told after that I was trying to take off all my gown and blankets while I was in recovery... Hmmmmm  Ha Ha  They told me that I was so hot post op they had to put the cooler on my gown instead of the heater, which is odd because normal post op, post anesthesia reaction is chills from being so cold.  I had to stay in recovery a little longer because I was told that I just didn't wanna wake up!!  Give me sleepy medicine and I'm gonna sleep... HELLO!!! :)  They took me to my room... I was still sleeping.  I did wake up and grunt and say a few words when someone was turning me from side to side in my bed.  It HURT like no body's business!!!  I just had both boobs removed, I had painful tissue expanders in and I had two drains coming out of each boob, HECK YEAH IT WAS GONNA HURT!  Everyone tells me that after hours and hours of EVERYONE trying to wake me up, it just wasn't working!  Mom was asking all of my nursing friends to try because she was worried about me.  She said she just needed to see me open my eyes and talk a little.  I was REALLY enjoying those meds and that quiet, peaceful, tender sleep!!  During all of this commotion, the ONLY thing I remember was my friend, Gwen, giving me some water.  How funny is that?  Out of hours of shaking, commanding, poking, etc. the only thing I remember was her giving me some water for my mouth on a sponge!!!  After everyone left, mom got serious!!!  She got the mommy voice out.  She sternly told me several times that I needed to wake up and sit up.  She said I finally replied, with my eyes closed and a sad face, "Momma, I'm trying to!!!"  A few more commands to get up and before I knew it, I was sitting up and eating gold fish and morphine!!! YUMMY!!!!!  That only lasted about a half hour, I was soon back to sleep!! :)  I woke the next day feeling very well, actually.  I was very surprised that I was feeling and doing as well as I was.  I know, morphine works wonders, but I really felt great honestly!!!  The day went by, I had a crazy amount of visitors that made me SOOOOO excited and happy!!! I was eating and drinking and walking around in my room a little, which I knew was great!!  Not bragging, BUT... ha ha Everyone that came and visited me said I looked like I didn't even have surgery.  They said my color was great and I was up movin' and groovin'!!  In all honesty, I really did feel extremely well!!  (Minus the slight allergic reaction I was having to morphine... Nothing a little benadryl didn't take care of though!!)  And let me say this, Thank you soooooo much to all of you that sent or brought me flowers.  My whole entire room was FILLED with such beautiful flowers!!!  I counted 12 arrangement when we brought them all home!  It was so awesome to wake up and see all the pretty flowers and balloons and candy and cookies and sweet notes (That were left for me while I was having my post op anesthesia nap!!).  I just felt SO very loved!!!!
   Alright... now to serious business.  The night after my surgery, my night RN came in and needed to change my bandage.  This girl couldn't have been any kinder.  It was just she and mom and I in the room.  She came in and turned the big lights off, turned the bathroom light on and got all her bandage stuff ready.  She asked me if I was ready to see my boobs, I said yes.  Mom sat down next to me and kinda rubbed my arm to let me know it was gonna be ok.  The sweet nurse got very close to me and very slowly and calmly and sweetly un velcroed my bandage bra that I had on.  She asked me if I was ok, I said yes and smiled.  I was ready to see the goods!! :)  She took off the puffy layers and layers of bandage slowly and used a saline flush to help unstick the parts that were stuck on there!! My jaw dropped and I had the biggest smile on my face.  My breasties looked FABULOUS!  I had BOOBS!!!!!!!  Dr. Plastic Surgeon did a OMG GREAT job!!  These things looked pretty dang real!  They were a little lumpy, they had incisions, a small part of them were black due to not enough blood flow and oxygen to the area of skin, but they really looked fantastic!  I was proudly showing them to everyone that asked... :)  They all thought they looked great as well.  I think I was just expecting baby bump boobies with lots of cuts and just not very pretty.  They were everything but that...  I couldn't have been happier!!!  The fact that they looked so real has absolutely helped me psychologically.  I was actually able to keep all of my "boob skin", all they took out were the insides, so when I saw that my boobs were only about half the size that they originally were, I never gave it a second though that my insides were fake now.  Given all of this, it helped me be happier in my recovery start!!
  I stayed in the hospital one more day, I was given the all clear from Dr. Plastic Surgeon and home I went!!!! :)  The start of my recovery was nothing less than off to a good start!  I wasn't miserable, I wasn't in bad pain, I was doing GREAT....... until...... I got home and took my pain meds- Vicodin. Never have taken vicodin before, but apparently I'm quite allergic.  Whelps, itches, hives, misery... Benadryl to the rescue!!  So guess what??? Because I'm allergic to vicodin, this means I'm allergic to codeine based meds.  My new pain med I was given was NOT a narcotic-  just a higher powered non narcotic drug, Tramadol.  I pretty much had to just deal with the pain, which to be honest, wasn't horrible.  I was given a muscle relaxer as well, which really helped!! :)  Here's the awesome part of this-  since they cut all the "guts" out of my breasties, this means that they cut nerves as well.  Since the nerves have been cut, this means that I have no feeling in my lady lumps.  In return, this means that I have NO INCISION PAIN! How awesome is that??????  No burning, no itching, nothing! So cool!!  The pain actually comes from the tissue expanders and the stretching of the chest muscle (the tissue expanders are placed under this muscle).  The muscle basically comes from under my arm pit, and all over my whole chest.  It's quite a large area and it is painful, especially since just moving your wrists, walking, getting up and down, turning your head left to right, EVERYTHING involves some type of movement using your chest muscle.  No Bueno!!!  It's ok though, I just dealt with the pain and all was ok!!  There were no tears, so I thought I was on the up and up!!
   Alright, I have many more stories to tell you, but these tissue expanders are getting quite uncomfortable while I'm sitting here typing!  I'm going to call it a night and go get some sleep!! 

I know I always end my blogs saying thank you for all the prayers and encouragement, but now more than ever do I mean, THANK YOU ALL SO VERY MUCH for the concern, the cards that have been sent, the sweet messages you've left on my fb, the texts, the calls, the flowers, etc.  You all are making this so much more easier for me!!  Without any doubts AT ALL, I'm only doing this good because of all of your prayers and encouragement!!  Much, much love and thanks to you all!  Love you!!!

Happy Birthday Eggies!!!

   This past week has been nothing less than go-go-go!!!  I've been busy at work, doing evaluations and finishing last minute details, which has been great because it's kept me busy and I've not had much time to let my mind wander!!  I basically went every other day to the egg man to get ultrasounds to see the growth of the eggies this week!!  They were all growing like little weeds in their ovarian home.  I went from taking one shot in my tummy to taking two shots in my tummy.  The head aches were really the worst part of everything.  I pretty much had non-stop, daily head poundings.  Since I have stopped the shots, the head aches have come to a complete halt. Yahoo for that!!!!! I took my final shot at 830 pm on Thursday night, knowing that Saturday would be the day that my little eggies would be delivered!  I had been working on a very special project this week, so it was very difficult for me to time myself to get home in order to take my shots on time.  I was basically screeching in the driveway with one minute to spare!! Ha Ha  So, I took my final shot on Thursday and stayed in constant prayer for those little precious things that I was harbouring in my body! Saturday morning came and good gravy... Ok, so I know I was NOT in labor, HOWEVER, I swear I was having sympathy contractions.  My ovaries were obviously doing some "contracting" because it hurt to put one foot in front of the other, it hurt to sit, it hurt to stand... and I was enjoying EVERY SINGLE MINUTE OF IT!!!!! We woke up early that morning because we had to drive into Houston to their surgery center for the proceure.  Sister, Mom, Grams and I got there and they pretty much took me back right away.  I dressed in my little scrub cap and booties and my gown and the nurse started the IV fluids.  The egg doctor, the anesthesiologist and the RN came in to talk to mom and I, all were EXTREMELY sweet!!! :)  No one except the doctor had a history on me, so they didn't know my situation.  Mom explained to them why I was doing an egg harvest and EVERYONE stopped to tell me that they would be praying for me.  It was really quite a blessing!!  I was extremely excited for this day, Mom was a nervous wreck!!! Bless her little heart!  I could see the worry in her eyes, but I kept hugging her and telling her it was gonna be ok because her grandchildren were half here!!! I don't think it helped any, but I tried!!  As much as I knew I was going to worry about the "eggsickles", as my boss likes to call them, my mom was worried about her kiddo too.  This was the first time I was going to get anesthesia!! EEK!  I actually wasn't nervous about the procedure at all, just looking forward to being done.  I did my hugs and kisses and they took me back to their surgical room.  Looked just like a mini OR and it even came equipped with that skinny bed you hafta lay on!! If you move an inch to the left or the right, you're gonna fall off and do a face plant on the floor!  I get on the bed and the anesthesiologist tells me that I'm gonna feel a warm sensation in my arm, all while the RN is telling me to scoot my butt down on the table because apparently I wasn't where I needed to be.  RUSH RUSH RUSH was the name of the game in there!  Well folks, I never felt a warm sensation in my arm, however...... I did feel like I should have been at Woodstock!  My tongue felt really strange, I was dizzy, my limbs got really heavy and I had this weird taste in my mouth.  I was laying on the bed and the ceiling looked like a constant slide show, the same picture over and over and over. I DID NOT like the way that made me feel!  They introduced the embryologist to me and he said he would be counting my eggs as they came out.  I politely told him that he'd better count correctly. Ha Ha Guess they thought that was funny cause they laughed.  Then, the anesthesiologist started tucking me in with my blankets and telling me that my ears looked sunburned.  Strange thing to notice.  I was in such a daze while all of this was going on, yet I remember every minute of it.  She put my nasal canula O2 on my nose and asked me if it was too tight.  My reply... it's not really gonna matter sister cause I won't know it in about three minutes. They must have thought I was a fruit cake.  I remember giggling quite a bit in there.  I also remember fighting going to sleep REALLY BADLY!  I kept thinking that if they saw my eyes closed, they would think I was asleep and they would start the procedure and I was gonna feel it.  I forced them to stay open as long as I possibly could.  Probably 13 seconds after that last thought, I told everyone in the room that I just loved them (I really, really think they must have thought I was a crack head!!!) and then BAAM, I was out like a light!!  Got to recovery and this really nice girl was waking me up.  I asked her if I was finished because honestly, it felt like I had only been asleep for like 5 minutes!!  It was SOOOOO weird waking up!! Much to my surprise, I wasn't totally out of it.  I remember the conversation she and I had and her giving me some water.  Then she asked if I wanted my mom and sister to come back.  I remember asking her if they got my eggies out and if they were safe.  She said, "yes, the dr got 9 of them."  (9 follicles were extracted, but only 7 were able to freeze)  I was super excited!!!  Mom and sister came in and we all chatted while I tried to wake up.  I felt really good, until.......  The dr called and wanted to talk to me.  They moved my bed over to the phone and I spoke with him.  All was well until they rolled my bed two feet back to where it originally was.  Lord have mercy!!! I felt it coming on strong... I got hot and clammy and sure enough the puking began!!! So, Dana and anesthesia do not mix well.  I took a zofran before the procedure and she gave me one after, but it wasn't helping at all.  I tried SO hard to not throw up because I HATE, HATE, HATE puking, but there was nothing I could do.  Finally, she gave me some phenergan and all the nausea stopped.  Then, the freezing started.  Seriously wild trip!!! Ha Ha (This is why I said I felt like I was at Woodstock!!!)  Note to self, before my big surgery, I WILL be explaining to the anesthesiologist that I AM a puker and I'd better have plenty of nausea meds on board!!! Everything calmed down and I was able to get dressed and be wheeled outta there.  I think I slept and snored and drooled and prolly talked in my sleep on the way home?? I was tired and starving!!!  After we got home, I slept almost all afternoon. I woke up just feeling SUPER achy and bloated.  Mom said I should feel some pain because, afterall, I DID deliver 9 eggies!!! Ha Ha  I had my vicodin script filled, but decided not to take any of it.  I was in pain, but it was bearable.  It hurt to cough or sneeze or laugh, but overall, it wasn't bad at all.  Today, I've been pretty slow moving and sorta grunt when getting up and down, but as the time has gone by, the pain has decreased tremendously!!  It basically just feels like I have really bad cramps. 

This was pre anesthesia!!

   Alright, because these eggies are SOOOOOOO incredibly important to not only me, but my momma and sister as well, we decided to give them all nick names.  You may think it's silly, but it just made sense to name them all.  I thought and thought and thought and finally came up with some.  They are as follows: Pumpkin, Munchkin, Snuggle Bug, Love Bug, Sassy Pants, Chubby Cheeks, Wiggle Worm, Whistle Britches (mom's favorite!!) and Sweet Pea.  I know that they're only eggs and that they have to be fertilized to become a baby, but it doesn't make me love them any less.  After the procedure, I actually felt a love in my heart that I have never felt before.  I just smiled and smiled and was SO happy to have all those little eggies there, waiting to someday call me "mommy".  Even with everything that's going on right now, this gave me SUCH joy and love!!  I constantly think about them and it's only been a day since they were removed.  I told the girls that I was going to think about those sweet things every single day, which probably isn't a good thing because that's going to make my baby itch even worse!! Ha Ha  I will be anticipating every moment until I can get those things "watered" and get a baby that cries and poops!! :)  So, Saturday, August 11, 2012 will be their Happy Birthday date.  And yes, they will always have TWO birthday's!!!
  Ok, so I mentioned a special project that I was working on this week.  I have tried and tried and tried to find something special and unique to give mom and sister.  I wanted to say "Thank you", but how do you tell your mom and sister thank you so much for taking care of me while I have the c word?  I don't think there is anything in the world that would be worth or even amount to how grateful I am for the love and support.  Then it hit me like a ton of bricks!  I decided that I was going to make them onsies for the babies (and yes, they were girl onsies!! Ha Ha)!  I'm sure it seems a little "off" to all of you, but I knew in my heart that this special gift would make these two happier than ever!  So, almost every night this past week, I had been going over to a friend of my mom's house and she had been helping me make these cute things!  I basically just bought plain white onesies and put little designs on each of them.  I made the ones for sister wild and bright and the ones for mom soft and pink.  Super special thanks to Mrs. Cheryl for helping me out with these, btw!!!  :)  I had them in my bad and yes, they were burning a hole in my little mind because I wanted to give them to the girls immediately.  My initial plan was to have Mrs. Cheryl give them to the girls after I had gone into the OR on the day of my surgery, however, plans changed.  When I got home Friday night, mom had this burning hole in her brain look as well.  Hmmmmm..... She had mentioned that she was making me some sort of scrap book thingie and that she needed my ultrasound pictures.  Well, I've known my momma for 33 years now, and I know a sneaky situation when I see it.  She and I left the house and went and picked up dinner, then waited for sister to get home.  They were secretly whispering in the kitchen, which made me even more sure that something was fixing to go down. They brought me this plate of cookies and cakes and said, "Oh look, it's a tray of sweets, kinda like you get a showers." I was a little confused at first, but in 3 seconds, I realized what was going on.  They were giving me a baby shower!!!  Seriously, a baby shower!!!  HOW FUN!!!!!!!!  I know the grin on my face had to be ridiculous because my cheeks were hurting from smiling!!  They each brought me a box, wrapped with a cute little bow.  I opened the first box, from sister, and it had the most beautiful little swim suit and matching bonnet, along with a super cute little fairy dress up set of wings and an adorable wand to match. So happy was I!!!!! :)  There was a super precious little stuffed elephant on the front of the package as well.  Then, mom handed me another box that had a way cute pair of plaid shorts and matching shoes in it... and another box that had a Mud Pie collection outfit that was pink and green and SOOOOO stinkin cute!!! (It came with a matching hat as well!!)  Then, mom gave me another box.  It was the eggie scrap book. OMG!!! I had the biggest tears!!! She got the book from Things Remembered and had it engraved.  The side says, "Dana's Precious Babies", with the date of my procedure on them and the front says, "My Eggies- Love You Mom".  When I opened it up, there were slots for each of my ultrasound pictures to go in.  There is a special little place on the front page where we have placed the nick names of all the eggies.  There are two open slots on the back to which I will place a picture of myself and the egg doctor that I took on Saturday and a picture of the building where the eggies will be housed until they get "watered".  The tears were flowing at this point... I have a book, that I can look at every single day and be reminded that when all of this is over, I have something SO incredibly amazing and joyous waiting on me.  I will use this book as a constant reminder that I have to fight even harder because those baby eggies need me.  I will allow that book to be my joy when I'm down or when I'm sad or when I'm frightened because in the end, I know that God will give me such an incredible prize, the prize of becoming a mother.  Those little fellas have no clue how much I already love them!!!  The tears are streaming down my face right now as I write this because I know, someday, all of this devistation and heart ache and pain will be worth it.  If this is the way God needed me to get my babies, then so be it.  I will do whatever it takes to make sure that those little precious darlings will have MY WHOLE ENTIRE HEART!!!!!! Honestly, I just cant wait until that day comes!!!  Gah, I'm such a sap!!! lol  So, after they gave me my little gifts, I just couldn't hold back any longer!  I HAD to do it... I gave in and gave them their onesies!! Oh they loved them!!!! So happy were they to get a present at the baby shower too!!! :)  I think it's funny that all of us decided that giving a baby gift to each other, without us knowing what the other was doing, is only a sign of true love.  I think because we all know the desires of each others hearts, it was only right to give such special gifts to each other!!  And please, before you say anything at all, know this... I don't care if I hafta hatch one or buy one or rent one, some how, some way, I'm getting a GIRL!  I think it's only appropriate because oh my, I'm not sure that we would know what to do with those boy thingies??? UGH! HA HA
   Well, that about does it for my week.  I hate that I really only have time to blog once a week, but we have all been just so super busy!! 
   Please, please, please continue the prayers... my time is getting closer and it's getting harder to breathe!! I keep taking deep breaths, but man, this is difficult!!! I think I'm just ready to get this over with and start to move forward!! I am in constant prayer that God have his hand on every person that's in that OR with me and every person that will take care of me while I'm in the hospital.  I'm praying for comfort and peace (and secretly, not too much pain!!!).  Thank you ALL so very much for continuing to support and pray and love and encourage me!!! Seriously, you have NO CLUE how much I'm enjoying the messages and the texts and the cards!!!  They certainly brighten my day and they make me smile a little more!!!! Big, big, big hugs and thank you for the continued love and support!  You just have no clue how important the constant prayer and reminders are for me.  It just means so very much to have love and support during these crazy times!!!  Much love, Dana

Precious Moments

   This past Monday was my very first visit to the egg doctor to have an ultrasound of what's happening in the ovaries.  I was so happy that mom and sister both got to come with me for the very first one!!  Let me say this, having an ultrasound done is nothing less than different.  They use this wand thingie and it goes in a place it should never ever go to get the picture, however, when those precious little egg follicles showed up on the screen, I think we all got tears in our eyes.  It became apparent to me, at that moment, that it was no longer about me!!! haha  Mom and sister's full attention were on those eggs on that screen. (and yes, they were both saying, "Hello little babies" and waving to them!!)  I just laid there and enjoyed the moment.  Watching those two get soooo excited over some follicles on a screen brought me some serious joy!!! Mom asked the nurse if she could have a picture of those eggs and when she handed her the picture, she and Danielle immediately started taking pictures with it and loving on it... I am now chopped chicken liver cause it's all about those babies!!! :) 
   Monday night, I started my hormone shots to help little eggies grow.  UP ALL NIGHT!!!!!  I felt like I was going to crawl out of my skin, didn't sleep a wink!!  I mix my own meds and take two shots in my tummy each night.  During this whole "sticking a needle in my tummy" process, I sometimes can't get the needle in the first try, or the fifth, so I just hafta poke around until I find some squishy fat!! It's really not so bad to be honest, but the second shot does cause an allergic reaction.  My skin gets all itchy and red so I just use one of those freezer pack things for about 30 minutes, until the whelps go down.  All in a day's work to get some eggs!!!  So, as the days of taking the shots have gone by, I have noticed a few changes... like I HAVE HOT FLASHES! I do great, then all of a sudden BAAM!!! I'm sweating like no other and I wanna rip all my clothes off (not appropriate at work!!!!)!!  And as of yesterday, I've noticed that I would like to cry at everything.  I've kept it together because I know it's just the hormones talking, but I still wanna cry none the less.  I can feel my ovaries rumbling around in there too!  Mom and I went on Friday for my second ultrasound, which was great!  We could see how the follicles had grown but, the nurse explained to us that they would need to double in size before they get taken out.  She gave us some more pictures of the eggies, which made my mother EXTREMELY HAPPY!  I gave her the pictures to keep with her the rest of the day.  I laughed my butt off because on her way home, she called me and said in the most serious voice, "Dana, I'm really going to have to get these babies a car seat because I've been trying to keep them safe the whole ride home." OMG I LOVE HER!!!!!  She has also removed everything off of the fridge.  The ONLY thing allowed on there are the pictures of the babies.  One of her friends came over to the house the other night and mom brought her into the kitchen.  She said, "look at my grandbabies, aren't they beautiful", to which her friend replied, "YES!!!"  :) I really have no room to talk because I've seriously been treating this whole eggie removal thing like a pregnancy.  Since I will more than likely not be carrying my own babies (unless I wanna push some out at 40), I have decided to just enjoy this time of getting ultrasounds, taking meds, having back aches, having hot flashes and being exhausted.  lol  I tell everyone, "Oh, I have to go now because I have to be home to take my baby shots!!" I've just learned to savor every moment of this for now because I don't know if I'll ever get to experience this again?  Secretly, I find myself checking little kids out way more than I ever have before. Ha Ha  Guess it comes with the territory?? I go for my next ultrasound in the morning, so hopefully those little sweeties have been growing like they're supposed to!!
   This week has been an extremely busy week for us for some reason?  I was pleasantly surprised that on my 33rd birthday this week, a friend of mine got a ton of my friends together for a surprise party! (Seriously, when did I get to 33??? Sheesh!!!)  I haven't had a birthday party since I was probably in my teens, so it was really FUN!  I was extremely overwhelmed at first because I'm not a "spotlight" kinda girl, but after we all sat there for a while, I became so much more comfortable.  A ton of my favorite peeps were there and it was just a super nice dinner and a great party!!!
   Also, this week, my oldest friend, Amie, took time out of her busy schedule to take some family pictures of us girls.  Mom had mentioned a few days after I found out I had the "c word" that she wanted family pictures taken.  I know she meant it in the absolute best way possible, but due to all the emotion that was going on in my head, all I could think was, "OMG is this going to be our last family picture?"  I have, since then, waivered from that nasty thought and I really enjoyed taking our pictures together!  It was nice to go outside and just giggle and laugh and not have any worries at all.  It was quite a sweet time for all of us, actually.  And the pictures turned out MARVELOUS!!!  Amie bought me a pair of pink boxing gloves and signed them.  I ABSOLUTELY love them!!  She even took a few pics with us and the gloves, which turned out SOOOO cute!!  She told me that she wanted all of my friends to sign them as well, which is a great idea!!

    I've spent quite a bit of time praying this week.  My nerves have been a little unsettled, but I think it's because I know the time is getting closer.  I'm starting to freak out a little bit that lumpie is still hanging out in there.  I tried to feel her the other day, but could only quickly run my hand over it.  I'm not really down with feeling it these days, just ready to get it out!!! I just finished reading a book that one of my co-workers gave me, called The Shack.  It's actually a really good book for putting things, tragic and devistating things, into perspective.  It makes my faith a little stronger and eases my anxiety some.  While everything in that book isn't necessairly exactly what I believe, it's still a great pathway to understanding the obstacles and challenges that God places before us.  I know that everything happens for a reason and that God does have a specific plan for everything, but I was just having a hard time wrapping my head around everything.  Maybe because it's all happened so fast or because there have been so many HUGE decisions that I've had to make?  Either way, this book seemed to really make me breathe a little easier. I've just been praying that God totally takes control of everything and that He makes me a much stronger person.  I've also been praying for my mother's anxiety level!!! Bless her heart!!! I think sister is doing well, but mom..... I think someone is going to have to give her some anti anxiety meds on surgery day.  Maybe anesthesia will share my cocktail with her on that day??? :)  I have a feeling she and sissy both will be glued to that OR door until they hear that I'm in recovery!! Can't say that I blame them because honestly, I would be doing the exact same thing! 
   I feel like I've become a slightly claustrophobic lately, but I feel that it's only due to my time getting short.  I have to take deeper breaths now and my attention span has become a big fat ZERO.  I find myself day dreaming throughout the day, thinking about surgery and such.  I don't mean to, but it's like my day to day function level has gone down and my zone out level has increased! I have to write EVERYTHING down or else I will immediately forget my thought pattern and won't remember what I need to get done!  I packed my bag for the hospital today, taking only the necessities... jammies, tooth brush, face wash, life savers, chap stick AND lip gloss!  I've been making my list of everything I need to get done this week before surgery and good grief, I hope I can get it all done!!!  I've written out my final list for work, delegating everything appropriately.  The girls have been FANTASTIC about taking on all these different responsibilities!!   They don't know it yet, but their job, when I have surgery, is to go in my room before I come back from the OR and disinfect everything, including the remote control and the bed tray!!! EEK!  You can NEVER be too clean and those of you who know me well, know that I like to take my disinfectant wipes everywhere to clean everything before I use it!!!  When mom had her gallbladder out a few months ago, I took the clorox bucket in her room and wiped everything down.  Freak? Yes... but guess what?  No one went home with staph!! Ha Ha 
   Alright, it's almost time to start mixing the baby meds, so I need to "be like a baby and head out". Haaaaaaaaaaaa I think that's an appropriate comment to use for today's blog!! :)  Thank you all again for all the encouragement and prayers!  Please pray for some calmness here this week, I think we all need it! :)  BIG HUGS!!!!!

Major Meltdown

   Well, as you know, I've been given the opportunity to freeze the eggies!! A few weeks ago, I met with the eggie dr to discuss operation egg removal.  All was a-go until I realized that my lady cycle wasn't going to start on time and I was basically going to be stuck, right in the middle of surgery time, needing my eggies to be removed.  This whole process is going to take a few weeks and I didn't want to be miserable, just having surgery and having all these drains and such, needing to go and have the egg removal procedure done.  I was so overwhelmed and just didn't have the energy it took to call the dr and explain, again, that this was going to cause a problem.  Mom kindly offered to call for me and get everything straightened out!  The egg man called me and stated that he had talked to the oncologist and that they were just going to push back the chemo start date to ensure that I had enough time, post surgery, to start my cycle and get the eggs out.  I was sortof in a panic because I wasn't sure how I was going to feel after surgery and would I be up for going every other day to the dr, having ultrasounds and having my labs drawn? I desperately want to freeze my eggs, but at what cost?  I was afraid that if I waited until after surgery to remove the eggs, would that put me at a higher risk of my body being exhausted, would I go into chemo less than 100%, would that make a difference starting chemo later rather than sooner? I was soooo confused.  The egg dr also stated that he would talk to my surgeon and see if we could push the surgery date back.  Well, in my mind, I'm thinking, "wait, no, I wanna get lumpie outta there asap!! I don't wanna wait!!  What if it spreads during the wait time?  What if...What if...What if...".  There were just soooo many options and negatives running through my mind!! I was absolutely in a complete panic over this whole situation and didn't know what to do.  I explained to all my physicians that if it got down to me or the eggs, I was going to choose me.  I really wanted to SAFELY do everything I could to get the eggs out, but I didn't want to risk my health in the mean time.  At that point, I realized that freezing the eggs may have to just be forgotten, simply due to my health.  I wanted to do what was right, I wanted to stay safe, but at the same time, I really, really, really, really wanted to get these eggs!!!  That night, after going over and over and over and over all of my options and different sineros, I couldn't help but cry my little heart out.  I pretty much cried myself to sleep that night and all I kept praying was, "God, please just make this simple.  You have given me this opportunity and I'm stressing terrbily over how this is going to work out.  I just need You to take control and make it happen."  The tears just wouldn't stop.  I tried so hard to just trust and believe that it was all going to just work out, but I never obtained a peace about it.  I absolutely started to feel sorry for myself, I would cry because I'm never going to be able to breast feed, I cried because I'm, more than likely, never going to be able to have a baby in my tummy (unless I decide at 40 that I'm ok being preggers), I cried because my life plan, the one that I had never ever waivered from, was just being destroyed right in front of my face.  I cried because I had never felt this aching pain before and because I was just basically losing control of my life.  I am SUCH a planner and a thinker and now that the c word is present in my life, it makes it incredibly hard to make long term plans.  I don't cope well with change and it's affecting me in ways I never knew were possible.  I know that plans are made to be broken and things change along life's pathway, but my ultimate goal of getting married and having babies (without medical conditions) has just been smashed into a million pieces.  I finally cried myself to sleep that night, only to wake up the next morning worse off than I was the night before.  Oh my gracious at the tears that came the next morning, along with a total out of body experience!!  I have never in my life cried and squirmed and screamed and ached like I did that morning.  It's one thing to mess with me, but when you mess with those unborn babies of mine, watch out!!! To me, not being able to get these eggs out were like fighting words!  My mom crawled right up in that bed with me and held me and let me cry and scream and shake and gasp for breaths and whimper for at least 30 minutes.  She sweetly kept whispering to me that I was going to be an incredible mother, simply for the fact that I was crying out of hurt for some crazy eggs that hadn't even been removed from my body yet.  She said, "Dana, I think you know, at this moment, what every mother feels for their children.  I think you've got that feeling of love and pain that all mothers feel about their children when they're trying to protect and love them."  It wasn't until that very moment that I realized what my own mother must be feeling.  If I was crying over my own eggs that hadn't even been brought into this world yet, I can't even imagine how she must be feeling, watching her little girl hurt so very badly.  Well, THAT made me cry even harder!!! Man, what a whirlwind this whole c word has brought on.  It's made emotions fly extremely high, but at the same time, it's brought us so much closer as a family. 
   I FINALLY stopped the out of control crying, got up and started getting dressed for work.  I knew the day was basically going to be crappy, so I started thinking, "ok how can I fix this?  How can I move forward with all of these emotions?  How can I turn this into something positive?"  So, as soon as I got to work, I called my surgeon.  Good ole' surgeon is a great man and he will know just how to help me fix this problem, even if it means the worst, he will know how to help me.  I called his office and the poor, poor girl that answered the phone... I sounded like a blubbering idiot, I'm sure!! She said, "Dana, I can't really even understand you, but whatever it is, it's going to be ok.  The surgeon is in the OR right now, but I'll have him call you as soon as he is done."  My tears subsided for a quick moment and I asked her if she deals with basket cases, such as myself, on a daily basis, to which her reply was no.  I said, "Oh ok, so I'm the only basket case?" haha She said, "No Dana, what I meant was, no, you're not a basket case and don't feel bad because it's ok to cry and it's ok to be upste and nervous."  She is such a sweet, sweet girl!  Very confident in helping crazy loones, such as myself, calm down and feel at ease.  Maybe they gave her special training to work at his office and deal with nutty women like me?? haha About an hour later, the phone rang and I knew it was the surgeon.  I answered, but all that would come out were tears...AGAIN!  Enough with the crying already, Dana!!! haha  The first words out of my mouth were, "Can you please not be my doctor for a moment, can you please not be my friend for a moment and can you please just be my dad for five minutes and help me make a decision?"  He said, "Dana, I will help you do whatever it is that you need and yes, I'll be your dad for five minutes!"  Love that man to pieces!!! I told him my situation with operation egg removal and he said, "Ok, let me fix all of this for you!!" Well, yahoo, ten minutes later and the problem was fixed!!! I felt such a burden lifted off of me.  I felt happy again and I felt like I could move forward, in every respect.  I took a deep breath and before I got off that phone, I said, "ok dr, I'm really sorry for bugging you today because I know that today is your surgery day, but thank you for taking the time out to sit with me and help me make a decision."  You know what his reply was??? "Dana, I don't care what time of the day or night it is, I will always make time for you.  That's what I'm here for, to help you."  Such a sweet, sweet soul.  I promised not to cry any more because he had pretty much just made my day!!!
   Bottom line here, operation egg removal is back on track!!! As a matter of fact, the lady cycle has officially started, I start taking my oral meds tomorrow night and start taking my shots on Monday night!! I will go in for my first ultrasound on Monday!! Sooooo excited!!!!! 
  So...
Dear little eggies,
  This is your mommy talking.  I know that you don't have a clue what's going on here, but I just want you to know that I will do everything in my power to keep you healthy and safe until it's time for you to be used.  I will pray for you daily and I will love you more than I have ever loved anything before.  I want you to know that, eventhough you're not "watered" yet, you're still so incredibly important to me.  God has specifially already chosen each one of you to hang out in that frozen dish until He decides which one of you He is going to give to me.  I absolutely CAN NOT wait to meet you and give you all of my love!!! Until then, know that you already own a huge part of my heart and that you already give me so much joy!! P.S., I promise to pick someone really great to "water" you!!! :)

So, now that I've had my meltdown moment, I feel sooooo much better.  Maybe I just needed a good, hard cry anyways??  Maybe I just needed to have a break down so I could let it all out?  Maybe I just needed to have a 32 year old, OMG moment!!! lol  Either way, it felt good to just be extremely emotional for a bit and just cry.  It also felt INCREDIBLE to have such serious support during those two days.  It also felt good to feel the love from my mom and sister... These two, I'm telling you, are the BEST TWO EVER!!!! They are sticking it out like no other!  Sissy gave me the biggest hug before I went to work that morning and just let me cry.  After it was all said and done, she asked if she could give me a "good game" smack on my rear end, to which I openly accepted.  It made us both laugh, which is what we needed!! 
   By the way, it's SOOOOO weird knowing that I'm brewing some eggs in my lady parts so that, someday, I can hopefully have that chubby cheeked baby!!! I told my mom and sister, just wait, the day that my child starts to get on my nerves or drive me nuts (as all children do to their parents), my outraged remark will be, "Listen up kid, if you don't go clean your room like I've asked you to 27 times now, I will put you back in that freezer where you came from!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  haha 

The 411 on my dr visits

   I have to say that I have a new found compassion for my patients at work.  I can never understand why it's so hard for them to make and go to dr's appointments.  It's not difficult, right? Just pick up the phone, tell the dr's office what's wrong and make an appointment. Welllll, I will never again say the words, "what's so hard about making an appointment and keeping it?". I think that when there is a medical issue going on, it makes the brain work less than par, thus producing a ton of forgetfulness! The nerves alone are enough to make one forget from one second to the next.  Thankfully, I'm a very organized person, so keeping all of my appointments has sorta been easy.  And yahoo to whomever invented daily organizers and planners!  Never in my life have I depended on these things more than now!
   I have met with the oncologist, the general surgeon, the infertility doctor, the dentist and the plastic surgeon this past week and it's been nothing short of a circus! Monday, I met with the oncologist who filled me in on more information that I had no clue about!  He just sat and chatted with us for quite a while, which was nice!  He basically told me that I would be getting two different types of chemo.  The first would pretty much start three weeks or so after my initial surgery.  This chemo is the one that will make me lose my hair.  He said he didn't want to go into details with me about that because he needed to wait until after my initial surgery to see exactly what type of chemo I would be getting.  From my understanding, this chemo will basically happen every three weeks and I think it will last approx 4 hours each visit.  Not too sure about that yet.  The second type of chemo I will get will also start three weeks or so after my surgery.  This chemo I will take every three weeks for 45 minutes for one full year.  This is the chemo that strictly fights the HER 2 I was talking about in my earlier post.  The good thing about this chemo is that I will not have any side effects from it, no puking, no hair loss, no loss of apetite, etc. :)  After I am completely finished with the chemo, after my full year, I will then take a hormone therapy for an additional five years! OMG FIVE YEARS!!! lol Looks like my oncologist and I are going to be bff's until I'm 40! I will get a port put in my chest area while I'm in my first surgery so that I can get chemo for the next year.  I had never seen one of those before, but the surgeon showed mom and I what it looks like.  If I had to describe it, I would say it looks like the red easy button off of the office max commercials, except it's no bigger around than a nickel.  It's made of a metal type substance on the bottom and the top is like a rubber mush that's soft.  It has a thin tube running off of it that will connect through a vein and somewhere down towards my heart.  The rubber on the top is just where they will stick me to recieve the chemo.  The purpose of the port is so I don't have to keep getting stuck in the arm or the hand to get my chemo.  Apparently it's not painful, which is AWESOME!!! :) So, I face to face asked the oncologist if I would lose my hair... like FOR SURE lose my hair. lol I think I just needed to hear those words come out of HIS mouth.  Sure enough, he said, "Dana, you're going to lose your hair."  I was fine with it, but I just needed to hear him say it.  I had been putting off cutting my hair until I heard it from him.  Speaking of the hair cutting thing, later on Monday night, mom and I got in the car and she asked if I was ready to cut my hair.  I said, well, I guess now is as good a time as any! So, we went to get my hair did! I actually didn't have a hard time cutting it off at all!! (I was extremely surprised by this, btw!!) I got it colored and cut and I actually really like it!! It's sooooo easy and simple to fix!  Poor mom, she tried really hard to do well with the whole hair cut thing, but every time I looked over at her, those eyes were really big and she tried to force a smile!  Sister was there taking lots and lots of pictures... don't tell her, but I caught big tears in her eyes at one point... She kept assuring me that it was a super cute cut and that I looked ok.  I looked in the mirror after the girl was finished and I'm certain I made a horrible face because OMG my hair was HUGE!!! I had to tame it down after I walked out because I felt like I was one of those white haired church ladies that looks like they have a helmet on!!! Definitely not attractive for 32! After I tamed the beast, I liked it much, much better!!
   Monday afternoon I met with the infertility doctor, aka egg doctor, to see about freezing some eggies!!!  I was quite nervous going in to see that doctor!  I wasn't quite sure what to expect or if this was even a possibility for me, but I was just praying the whole afternoon that it would just work!! I know I had posted earlier about not being able to freeze eggs, but the situation with the surgery has changed and now I'm going to get that opportunity!!! YAY ME!!!!! :)  So, I tell him my situation and he responds with, "Let's do this!! I can definitely get you some eggs!!" Well alright then!!! The details of this retrieval are crazy, but I gotta do what I gotta do to get some babies!! I have to basically wait until my lady cycle starts, then I start taking shots on a daily basis. (and yes, I mix the drugs myself and I give myself the shots!! Watch out!!) It's pretty much going to be a shot a night in my tummy, so that won't be so bad!! I will go into the office every other day to get lab work drawn and have ultrasounds done as well.  They want to monitor the eggies to make sure they are growing at a good rate.  They will tell me when the eggies are at their stopping point and the night before operation egg removal, I give myself a different shot, go in the next day and they give me IV sedation and remove the eggs!  Egg man says that he hopes to get at least 12 eggs, if not more!! YIPEE!  Then, they freeze the eggs three to a pack. lol This is silly, but I told mom that I wished I could see my eggs and tell them to have a safe freeze, be good little eggies and that I loved them!! :) I'm BEYOND thrilled that I'm getting the opportunity to do this!! I think God just really needed me to trust Him the first go round of this and my reward for trusting Him was getting the opportunity to actually be able to go through with this!!!  I couldn't be happier!!!! :)
   Tuesday was PET scan day... I was pretty nervous that day because I knew that this was the more detailed scan to show if the c word was anywhere else in my body!  I was injected and had to wait about 45 minutes before the test actually began.  It was nice to just sit alone, catch up on paperwork and just pray by myself.  I felt really good after having that alone time, just such a peace!! The test itself lasted about 28 minutes or so.  I had to hold my hands above my head while laying down. FIRE FIRE FIRE!!!! Try holding your arms close to your ears for 16 minutes! I'm a patient person, but after my head and chest came out of that scan, I politely (and by polite I mean in a begging voice) asked the tech if I could move my arms because both of them were asleep and they were pretty much on FIRE! She laughed and said yes, but don't move anything else.  Once those arms were moved, we were in business!!! After I left that scan, I had to go to the dentist.  Apparently it's routine procedure before you start chemo, just to make sure that there are no cavities.  Clean as a whistle!!! Dentist said I needed to come back and have a tooth fixed though because apparently I've been grinding my teeth at night (imagine that?!?!?!) and I had chipped a tooth. I'm guessing stress will do that to ya? lol
   Wednesday I went back to the egg doctor so they could show me how to mix my medicine and give myself my shots.  Maybe my nurse friends will want to come over and administer these for me??? haha  There are like ten different steps you have to take in order to mix this medicine properly.  I took good notes though, so all should be well!!  And if you're wondering, yes, you do take hormone shots, but the egg doctor has talked with the oncologist and all is ok and will not harm lumpie in the process. 
   Thursday I met with the plastic surgeon, who seems to be extremely nice.  (I'm thinking I'd really better like him a lot!!!)  We went over the procedure of the first surgery, which is basically gonna be very painful.  The general surgeon will go in first and take out the boobies, then the plastics guy will go in and place something called tissue expanders in underneath the muscle. I've heard it hurts really bad, but the dr said his goal was to keep me drugged up for three weeks!! :)  He said I will come home with two brady drains in each boobie, but that they should only last 10-14 days.  I've read that I can't take a bath during those days and that's gonna be ewwwhhhhhh gross!! I'm going to buy the bath towel things ASAP!!!!! Can't be running around smelling like surgery!! lol He said that the tissue expanders will basically grow my boobies for me.  He said that when I get them to the size I like, then he will proceed from there.  This will be a long process from what I understand.  He will not do the reconstruction until I am finished with the chemo! Said it was more dangerous to have surgery while in mid chemo, which is fine with me.  I'd much rather be safe than sorry!!!  He said my boobies will start off small and then each week or so he would add fluid to them to make them grow. Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia!!! haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I told mom I wasn't sure how I was going to feel having small boobies. Her reply, well get used to it sister because now you'll know how the rest of us with small ones feel! And I hope you get a good feel and have a great compassion for those of us who don't have boobies!!! lol FINE MOM!!!!! :)  Thursday afternoon, I got a call from the surgeon.  He said, "Dana, I know you have an appointment this afternoon, but I just wanted to call you and give you the results of your PET scan".  My heart sank and I got really nervous really quick! Like I took a seat in the chair I was standing next to and I closed my eyes really tight! Well, ok, tell me what they are.  He said, "you're negative for the PET scan too!!!". So, Lucille (surgeon likes to call me Lucille, which I think is absolutely adorable!!) will NOT be playing the part of the lit up Christmas tree in this years family holiday play! YAHOO!!!!!!!!!!! As soon as I hung up that phone, I texted my sister and called my momma!!! I hadn't been that excited or giggled that much since all this started!!! I was sooooooooooo HAPPY!!!!!! I asked my mom if she was proud of me for being such a good girl.  She laughed and said she was VERY proud of me!! It was really sweet, I could hear the relief in her voice over the phone.  I think they were really worried about this test!! I was too, but not like my mom was.  So, I can breathe a little easier now!!  I honestly feel like I've been handed the best of the best in this situation.  Everything is negative and lumpie has stayed contained and not spread anywhere.  (Surgeon will still have to do a sentinel node biopsy in the OR, but he said he feels like that may be negative as well.) I just couldn't be more blessed.  Does the c word suck?  YOU BET!!! Am I going to struggle? YOU BET!! Am I going to have good days and bad? YOU BET!!! With all that said, I just feel like it could be so much worse though.  Had all my scans come back positive, I don't know what I would have done.  I know I would have just dealt with it in the same manner I am now, but I feel like it would have been so much more emotional. Having the c word is harsh enough, but somehow, knowing it hasn't spread is so relieving!  I know, without ANY doubts at all, it's the prayer that's gotten me this far.  So, let me stop and say thank you... thank you for taking the time out of your day to think about me and say prayers for me.  Thank you for being diligent and saying prayers for me on a daily basis.  Thank you for taking the time to stop and read this blog so you know exactly what to pray for.  Thank you for taking time out of your day to comment on my facebook when I have fantastic news.  Thank you for caring enough to share my story with people I don't even know so that they can pray for me too.  Thank you for continuing to follow this story. So many people say, "oh yes, I'll pray for you and I'll help in any way I possibly can", but then end up letting it go after some time has passed.  You have ALL continued to let me know that you're not stopping the prayers and you're not stopping the encouragement and the cards and the messages and THAT is what's getting me through this!!! Each time I get good news, I take the time to stop and thank God for everyone that's praying for me.  If it weren't for all of you, I would struggle SO much more than I am. Like I said earlier, I have such a peace about this and it's only because of all of the prayers, love and support that I'm getting!!!
  Ok, Thursday afternoon, I met with the general surgeon to get some surgery dates together and get my official orders for admitting.  I will have to be there a few hours prior to that to get injected with the radioactive material for the sentinel node biopsy.  I signed all of my "what if's" for during the surgery.  I found out that the surgery will pretty much be a 5 hour surgery, apparently I'm going to be doing some SERIOUS bonding with these two doctors!!
   Supre fun this week... My co workers birthdays were this week.  For everyone's birthday's we always get a cake and ice cream and cards and a present and such.  One of my co workers and I were planning this party together... we went shopping for presents, decided on a cake, etc.  Well, on Thursday, I found out that not only were we celebrating their birthday's, but it was an early birthday for me too! :)  It made me soooo happy and it was soooo fun!! I got some new super fly button up jammies, that don't look like they're from the 1800s and this really cool pillow set for when I come home from the hospital!  It's one of those pillows like we had in the 80s, the kind with the fluffy back and the arms that come around the sides.  This will be perfect for after surgery!!  I also got a matching pillow for under my legs.  And my goodness, these pillows are SO super soft!!  I also got a bed tray so that I can eat and such and not really have to move too much!  I am so very thankful to work with such considerate and thoughtful peeps!  I'm really not sure what I would do without these girls!  They love me at my happiest and at my worst and for that, I couldn't be more greatful!  They have seen me jump up and down and do the spazzy girl dance when I get good news and they have seen me squal and ball when I'm at my worst and can't push any more.  They will never know how much they mean to me!! :)
   This week, coming up, should be kinda low key for us!  I plan on hanging out with my friends as much as possible and just taking it easy!  It's so nice to just be able to laugh and have a good time during all of this, so friends, thank you for making me GO!!!  :) 
   I hope you all have a wonderful week!! :)