Monday night, I started my hormone shots to help little eggies grow. UP ALL NIGHT!!!!! I felt like I was going to crawl out of my skin, didn't sleep a wink!! I mix my own meds and take two shots in my tummy each night. During this whole "sticking a needle in my tummy" process, I sometimes can't get the needle in the first try, or the fifth, so I just hafta poke around until I find some squishy fat!! It's really not so bad to be honest, but the second shot does cause an allergic reaction. My skin gets all itchy and red so I just use one of those freezer pack things for about 30 minutes, until the whelps go down. All in a day's work to get some eggs!!! So, as the days of taking the shots have gone by, I have noticed a few changes... like I HAVE HOT FLASHES! I do great, then all of a sudden BAAM!!! I'm sweating like no other and I wanna rip all my clothes off (not appropriate at work!!!!)!! And as of yesterday, I've noticed that I would like to cry at everything. I've kept it together because I know it's just the hormones talking, but I still wanna cry none the less. I can feel my ovaries rumbling around in there too! Mom and I went on Friday for my second ultrasound, which was great! We could see how the follicles had grown but, the nurse explained to us that they would need to double in size before they get taken out. She gave us some more pictures of the eggies, which made my mother EXTREMELY HAPPY! I gave her the pictures to keep with her the rest of the day. I laughed my butt off because on her way home, she called me and said in the most serious voice, "Dana, I'm really going to have to get these babies a car seat because I've been trying to keep them safe the whole ride home." OMG I LOVE HER!!!!! She has also removed everything off of the fridge. The ONLY thing allowed on there are the pictures of the babies. One of her friends came over to the house the other night and mom brought her into the kitchen. She said, "look at my grandbabies, aren't they beautiful", to which her friend replied, "YES!!!" :) I really have no room to talk because I've seriously been treating this whole eggie removal thing like a pregnancy. Since I will more than likely not be carrying my own babies (unless I wanna push some out at 40), I have decided to just enjoy this time of getting ultrasounds, taking meds, having back aches, having hot flashes and being exhausted. lol I tell everyone, "Oh, I have to go now because I have to be home to take my baby shots!!" I've just learned to savor every moment of this for now because I don't know if I'll ever get to experience this again? Secretly, I find myself checking little kids out way more than I ever have before. Ha Ha Guess it comes with the territory?? I go for my next ultrasound in the morning, so hopefully those little sweeties have been growing like they're supposed to!!
This week has been an extremely busy week for us for some reason? I was pleasantly surprised that on my 33rd birthday this week, a friend of mine got a ton of my friends together for a surprise party! (Seriously, when did I get to 33??? Sheesh!!!) I haven't had a birthday party since I was probably in my teens, so it was really FUN! I was extremely overwhelmed at first because I'm not a "spotlight" kinda girl, but after we all sat there for a while, I became so much more comfortable. A ton of my favorite peeps were there and it was just a super nice dinner and a great party!!!
Also, this week, my oldest friend, Amie, took time out of her busy schedule to take some family pictures of us girls. Mom had mentioned a few days after I found out I had the "c word" that she wanted family pictures taken. I know she meant it in the absolute best way possible, but due to all the emotion that was going on in my head, all I could think was, "OMG is this going to be our last family picture?" I have, since then, waivered from that nasty thought and I really enjoyed taking our pictures together! It was nice to go outside and just giggle and laugh and not have any worries at all. It was quite a sweet time for all of us, actually. And the pictures turned out MARVELOUS!!! Amie bought me a pair of pink boxing gloves and signed them. I ABSOLUTELY love them!! She even took a few pics with us and the gloves, which turned out SOOOO cute!! She told me that she wanted all of my friends to sign them as well, which is a great idea!!
I've spent quite a bit of time praying this week. My nerves have been a little unsettled, but I think it's because I know the time is getting closer. I'm starting to freak out a little bit that lumpie is still hanging out in there. I tried to feel her the other day, but could only quickly run my hand over it. I'm not really down with feeling it these days, just ready to get it out!!! I just finished reading a book that one of my co-workers gave me, called The Shack. It's actually a really good book for putting things, tragic and devistating things, into perspective. It makes my faith a little stronger and eases my anxiety some. While everything in that book isn't necessairly exactly what I believe, it's still a great pathway to understanding the obstacles and challenges that God places before us. I know that everything happens for a reason and that God does have a specific plan for everything, but I was just having a hard time wrapping my head around everything. Maybe because it's all happened so fast or because there have been so many HUGE decisions that I've had to make? Either way, this book seemed to really make me breathe a little easier. I've just been praying that God totally takes control of everything and that He makes me a much stronger person. I've also been praying for my mother's anxiety level!!! Bless her heart!!! I think sister is doing well, but mom..... I think someone is going to have to give her some anti anxiety meds on surgery day. Maybe anesthesia will share my cocktail with her on that day??? :) I have a feeling she and sissy both will be glued to that OR door until they hear that I'm in recovery!! Can't say that I blame them because honestly, I would be doing the exact same thing!
I feel like I've become a slightly claustrophobic lately, but I feel that it's only due to my time getting short. I have to take deeper breaths now and my attention span has become a big fat ZERO. I find myself day dreaming throughout the day, thinking about surgery and such. I don't mean to, but it's like my day to day function level has gone down and my zone out level has increased! I have to write EVERYTHING down or else I will immediately forget my thought pattern and won't remember what I need to get done! I packed my bag for the hospital today, taking only the necessities... jammies, tooth brush, face wash, life savers, chap stick AND lip gloss! I've been making my list of everything I need to get done this week before surgery and good grief, I hope I can get it all done!!! I've written out my final list for work, delegating everything appropriately. The girls have been FANTASTIC about taking on all these different responsibilities!! They don't know it yet, but their job, when I have surgery, is to go in my room before I come back from the OR and disinfect everything, including the remote control and the bed tray!!! EEK! You can NEVER be too clean and those of you who know me well, know that I like to take my disinfectant wipes everywhere to clean everything before I use it!!! When mom had her gallbladder out a few months ago, I took the clorox bucket in her room and wiped everything down. Freak? Yes... but guess what? No one went home with staph!! Ha Ha
Alright, it's almost time to start mixing the baby meds, so I need to "be like a baby and head out". Haaaaaaaaaaaa I think that's an appropriate comment to use for today's blog!! :) Thank you all again for all the encouragement and prayers! Please pray for some calmness here this week, I think we all need it! :) BIG HUGS!!!!!
